Newt Gingrich News

Newt Gingrich, Filled With More Excrement Than Your Average Politician

8:04 am EST January 20th, 2012 | Conservative | 58 Comments

When Bill Clinton was involved in the Lewinsky affair, it was bad, reprehensible conduct for a husband and a father. Certainly it showed a lack of morals and judgement. That said, it was not a high crime or misdemeanor by any stretch of the imagination. He had done wrong, but it didn’t warrant a crisis of the constitution. Republicans didn’t share that sentiment. Republicans thought the affair was reason enough to remove the president from his office.

They were led in this charge by Newt Gingrich. Gingrich vowed in 1998 to bring up the affair as much as possible. Gingrich decided to create ads about the affair, and thought it would be a good issue to run on in 1998. It didn’t work, and Democrats gained 5 seats in the House that year.

As we now know, while Newt Gingrich was on this moral crusade, he was cheating on his wife and eventually divorcing her.

So now, years later, after his moral crusade built on a platform hypocrisy, Gingrich has the nerve to berate CNN for bringing up this story? Excrement, indeed.

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Newt Gingrich Is Not Ronald Reagan

11:15 am EST December 12th, 2011 | Conservative | 61 Comments

Newt GingrichIn the last few weeks, as Newt Gingrich has leapfrogged Mitt Romney and common sense to become the Republican frontrunner, Democrats and progressives like me have reacted with glee. Newt Gingrich, in the eyes of the left, would be a suicidal pick for the Republican party. Destined to lose, and to once again send the conservative movement out into the wilderness.

Since then, there has been a meme from the right and now being echoed in the mainstream press. Don’t be too quick to dismiss Gingrich, they say. As evidence they cite 1980 and the fact that the Carter team preferred to face Reagan, thinking that his conservative positions would be a huge turnoff to the nation. That election, of course, ended in a landslide in Reagan’s favor and ushered in the so-called “Reagan Revolution.”

Those parallels are, at best, a major stretch.

For one, as bad as things are politically for President Obama, he is a far savvier politician than Jimmy Carter ever was. Carter repeatedly made the kind of tin-ear mistakes that Obama has largely avoided for the last three years. Obama is highly unlikely to emulate the foreign policy impotence of the hostage crisis, and this president simply doesn’t give “malaise” speeches.

The parallel becomes even more ludicrous when you compare Gingrich and Reagan. First, their pedigrees and legacies. Before being elected, Reagan was a B to C list actor, a national commercial pitchman, and the governor of one of America’s largest states. Gingrich, on the other hand, has never been elected to statewide let alone national office. And his tenure at the national level is remembered by moderates and liberals as one that ended in shame. Only conservatives remember the Gingrich tenure as Speaker with any sort of fondness. Post-Speaker Gingrich is also remembered by moderates and liberals as an abject hypocrite who was attacking President Clinton for an extramarital affair while he was cheating on his second wife.

The complete implosion of this meme comes when you compare Gingrich and Reagan as human beings. I’m a progressive who of course finds almost nothing admirable in the policies of Ronald Reagan, but it is a historical fact that he was a gregarious, well-liked leader (if conservatives were being honest they would acknowledge this about Franklin Roosevelt and Bill Clinton). Reagan’s the best advocate conservatism has ever had in America for a reason. There is a reason “happy warrior” is synonymous with his name.

Newt Gingrich is not this. Even though the “new Newt” claims he has learned from his past mistakes, in his debate performances and media interviews you can still see the petulant, whining, arrogant, condescending jerk Newt right below the surface. Gingrich is only ever a few seconds away from the temper tantrums he had during the Clinton era. In the battlefield of a national political campaign this will come out in spectacular fashion. Reagan was able to communicate some form of humility, often using self-deprecating humor in order to lull his political opponents into a false sense of superiority. Gingrich, at all times, believes he is the smartest man in the room. He would believe it if he was attending a summit of rocket scientists, he surely believes it on the campaign trail.

This doesn’t even take into consideration the conservatism of the two figures. While Reagan is being held up as a lion of the right, he would be seen as far too moderate to make it through the modern Republican primary. Gingrich is pandering to the Tea Party base, which is all well and good for the GOP nomination, but the 2012 electorate will not look like the 2010 crew that elected the Republican House.

Newt Gingrich isn’t Ronald Reagan. They were both nationally known conservative Republicans, but the similarities end there. Despite the sentiments of people like myself, Reagan is likely to be remembered fondly for a considerable time. The same will not be true of Gingrich.

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An Epic Mininovella About The Exodus Of Newt Gingrich’s Campaign Staff

3:59 pm EST June 9th, 2011 | Humor | 5 Comments

As originally seen on Twitter. Background here and here. This doesn’t make much narrative sense, but then that’s the point.

And lo, alone on the battlefield, Newt rose above the carnage and bellowed, “THIS SHALL NOT STAND”

His face dripping with sweat, Newt recovered his sword from the fires of Lake Regret. “Another day is coming,” he snarled.

Conan By Boris VallejoThe party elders cast Newt out of Mount GOP. Disdainfully he looked up at them: “You don’t even understand.”

A beautiful maiden rode towards Newt, her flaxen blonde hair in marked contrast to black mare she rode. “You are too good for them, my lord”

The dark wizard PaulRyan looked into his crystal ball “I will avenge my name, Newt, thou hast forsaken party orthodoxy”

Newt looked up from the freshly eaten lamb carcass. “Another. I have naysayers to slay and I needeth a full belly!”

Lightning crackled across Mount GOP. The assembled party bosses turned to Lord Priebus. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??”

Newt smiled. “I am an ideas man,” he said as he brandished his broad sword, “and I have many ideas on how to kill those who abandoned me”

Newt laughed. “They think I was resting on mine cruise. I was restoring mine energy for THE BATTLE AHEAD. They are weak of mind.”

Newt knew in his heart that he was a warrior pure. “Another day shall I fight. I have a Powerpoint explaining it all.” The hills cried.

Newt ripped the newspaper in half. “Wizardry! Black magic! Pestilence in black and white!”

Lord Priebus had finally attained the Power Tie Of Mordor. “I shall rule the kingdom, Newt is cast out.” “Not this day!” yelled Newt.

The Great Wizard McCain drew closer to Newt. “They’ve done this to me before. You can beat them!” “Verily,” Newt answered.

Wizard McCain intoned the Campaign Mojo Spell. Newt felt revitalized. He sold a DVD and felt refreshed. “THE BATTLE IS JOINED!”

Newt got up off of his knees, hoping his prayers to the CampAign Gods would be answered. Lo, a flash of lightning. HANNITEEE AWAKES!

Hannitee, the archangel of talking points, appeared to Newt. “You have been loyal, but it says here the party doesnt want you. Later!”

Newt fell to his knees, pounding the ground. “WHY HAVE I BEEN FORSAKEN?” Then, an apparition appeared. Ray-Gun-The-Mighty had returned.

Ray-Gun-The-Mighty looked down on Newt. “Stand up like a man, you toad. This is not what I sold GE toasters for.” “Yes, my Lord.”

Ray-Gun-The-Mighty pointed over Newt’s shoulder. “There. The shining city on the hill. DEFEND IT. DEFEND IT REAL HARD. AND SELL DVDS.”

Ray-Gun-The-Mighty had inspired Newt. He was ready to fight. “But first, a cruise,” he mumbled to himself.

Lord Priebus’ brow furrowed in concern. “Newt approaches. RELEASE THE ROMNEY”

The 400 ft tall Romney bellowed. Then switched to screeching. Then back to bellowing. “I’ve been a bellower all along,” it screeched.

Newt steadied himself. His soul grew cold in the shadow of The Romney. “How shall i defeat this beast? Tax cuts?”

“Stupify!” Gingrich yelled, a trick he had picked up from Wizard McCain. The Romney fell to earth. In two directions.

Suddenly, JK Rowling appeared to Newt. “Copyright infringment is a bitch.” Suddenly a HORDE OF LAWYERS engulfed Newt.

Newt woke up in his campaign headquarters, alone. In front of him was facebook. Cursor blinking. “The campaign begins anew,” he wrote.

THE END

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VIDEO: John Lithgow Dramatically Reads That Newt Gingrich Poem

9:48 am EST May 20th, 2011 | Humor | 4 Comments

Epic. (from last night’s Colbert Report)

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I Made A Pretty Epic Newt Gingrich Photoshop

4:41 pm EST May 18th, 2011 | Humor | 2 Comments

Based on his spokesman’s insane comments:

“But surely they had killed him off,” he wrote. “This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.”

I made this because my coworker Ben tried and failed at Photoshop.

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Newt Gingrich’s Deficit Spending At Tiffany’s

4:18 pm EST May 17th, 2011 | Republicans | 14 Comments

He can’t manage a budget at a high-end jeweler, how the heck can he manage the U.S. budget.

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VIDEO: Iowa Republican Blasts Gingrich To His Face

10:38 am EST May 17th, 2011 | Politics | 5 Comments

Iowa Republican says Gingrich should be ashamed for kneecapping Paul Ryan. So… I guess he won’t be caucusing for Newt? (via)

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Newt Gingrich Issues Video, Flip Flops On Mandate

11:29 am EST May 16th, 2011 | Politics | 5 Comments

Newt Gingrich is now going to challenge Mitt Romney as king of the flip floppers.

Here’s Gingrich on Meet The Press YESTERDAY:

NEWT GINGRICH: I’ve said consistently we ought to have some requirement that you either have health insurance or you post a bond. . . .

DAVID GREGORY: But that is the individual mandate, is it not?

NEWT GINGRICH: It’s a variation on it.

And here’s Gingrich TODAY saying he opposes the mandate:

The day is still young, he could have another position by sundown. What. A. Joke.

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Gingrich Now Even More Ridiculous

9:43 am EST May 16th, 2011 | Politics | Comments Off

Newt “Trivia Question Answer” Gingrich is now trying to walk back his attack on the Paul Ryan plan. No, really.

Newt’s spokeswoman, Rick Tyler, blamed the media for misinterpreting his boss’ comments, which included comparing Ryan’s plan to President Obama’s health care law.

He called the plan “radical” but now says that’s a good thing. What an amazing joke. This will be the best campaign ever.

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Gingrich Throws Paul Ryan Under The Bus

9:28 pm EST May 15th, 2011 | News, Politics | 7 Comments

Newt Gingrich has no real constituency, no actual support base in the Republican party, and his candidacy will only live on as an answer to a Jeopardy! or Trivial Pursuit question. That said, the idea that he gave Democrats the opening to say “even Newt Gingrich thinks the Ryan plan is extremist” is pretty awesome.

Gingrich also distanced himself from the plan proposed by Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) to turn Medicare into a voucher system: ‘I think that that is too big a jump.’ He called the plan ‘right-wing social engineering,’ which he considers not ‘any more desirable than left-wing social engineering.’”

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