Republicans from Philly? That sounds as odd as “Conservatives from San Francisco.”

Besides, this story appeared in the Washington Times. IT MUST BE A LIE!! Get Media Matters on top of it!

Hell, stuff like this makes me wonder why Philadelphia doesn’t have a MLS team–given the stereotypical “hooligan” image, it would be a perfect match.

Instead of asking all of us cyberspace to contribute to Mr. Williams, why don’t you ask some of the players Mr. Zee is so fond of to help him out? Perhaps if they contribute 1% of their signing bonus they can pay for his medical bills. Perhaps Adam Archuleta can do it all by himself with a $10 million dollar signing bonus? Perhaps if we ask the players to cut back on their Ho and unnecessary pimped out ride budget, they can provide some help to their number one fan. How about it?

For the edification of your readers hear are the players most recent contract with their salaries, signing bonuses and final amounts in that order.

1 Ethan Albright LS 2006 2007 1 0.810 0.025 0.835
2 Jon Alston OG 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545
3 Adam Archuleta S 2006 2012 6 22.180 10.000 3.000 35.180
4 Ladell Betts RB 2002 2007 5 1.905 1.325 3.230
5 Ryan Boschetti DT 2004 2007 3 0.920 0.920
6 Casey Bramlet QB 2006 2008 2 0.695 0.695
7 Nehemiah Broughton RB 2005 2008 3 0.925 0.042 0.967
8 Antonio Brown WR 2005 2007 2 0.840 0.840 NFLE
9 Mark Brunell QB 2004 2011 7 33.523 8.600 0.235 42.358
10 Curry Burns S 2006 2008 2 0.845 0.845
11 Jason Campbell QB 2005 2010 5 2.530 4.150 0.820 7.500
12 Khary Campbell LB 2006 2009 3 1.935 1.935
13 Andre Carter DE 2006 2013 7 10.100 9.000 13.400 32.500
14 Kerry Carter RB 2006 2008 2 0.845 0.845
15 Rock Cartwright RB 2006 2010 4 2.735 2.735 Last 2 yrs voidable
16 Ataveus Cash WR 2006 2008 2 0.695 0.695
17 Chris Clemons LB 2006 2007 1 0.712 0.712 RFA
18 Nic Clemons DE 2005 2007 2 0.540 0.540
19 Todd Collins QB 2006 2008 2 2.060 0.450 2.510
20 Jonothan Combs RB 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545
21 Chris Cooley TE 2004 2008 4 1.380 0.655 2.035
22 Phillip Daniels DE 2004 2009 5 6.825 3.000 2.540 12.365
23 Derrick Dockery OG 2006 2007 1 1.573 1.573 RFA
24 Jimmy Farris WR 2005 2007 2 0.840 0.840
25 Christian Fauria TE 2006 2007 1 1.810 0.190 2.000
26 Derrick Frost P 2005 2007 2 0.840 0.840
27 Cornelius Griffin DT 2004 2011 7 19.509 11.215 30.724
28 Sean Guthrie DE 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545
29 John Hall K 2003 2008 5 5.530 1.600 7.130
30 Steven Harris WR 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545
31 Taylor Jacobs WR 2003 2008 5 1.915 1.810 3.725
32 Jon Jansen OT 1999 2009 10 16.794 10.460 27.254
33 Ade Jimoh CB 2006 2007 1 0.712 0.712 RFA
34 Robert Johnson TE 2005 2008 3 0.925 0.925
35 Ron Johnson WR 2006 2008 2 0.845 0.845
36 Aki Jones DT 2005 2008 3 0.925 0.925
37 Jim Jones OG 2006 2008 2 0.695 0.695
38 Tyler Jones K 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545 NFLE
39 Cedric Killings DT 2006 2007 1 0.585 0.585
40 Brandon Lloyd WR 2006 2007 1 1.573 1.573
41 Jesse Lumsden RB 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545
42 Lemar Marshall LB 2005 2008 3 1.632 0.545 2.177
43 Robert McCune LB 2005 2008 3 0.925 0.925
44 Nick McNeil LB 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545
45 Jim Molinaro OL 2004 2007 3 0.920 0.071 0.991 RFA in 2007
46 Christian Morton CB 2005 2008 3 0.925 0.925
47 Santana Moss WR 2005 2012 7 20.140 10.000 0.910 31.050
48 Ikechuku Ndukwe OG 2005 2008 3 0.925 0.925
49 David Patten WR 2005 2010 5 6.500 2.250 4.250 13.000
50 Dimitri Patterson CB 2005 2008 3 0.925 0.925
51 Clinton Portis RB 2004 2012 8 33.000 14.585 2.415 0.515 50.515
52 Calen Powell TE 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545
53 Pierson Prioleau S 2005 2008 3 1.940 0.450 2.390
54 Mike Pucillo OG 2006 2007 1 0.585 0.585
55 Casey Rabach C 2005 2011 6 12.450 2.500 2.000 16.950
56 Antwaan Randle-El WR 2006 2013 7 19.750 10.000 1.500 31.250
57 Karon Riley DE 2006 2007 1 0.585 0.585
58 Carlos Rogers CB 2005 2012 7 3.550 9.104 1.608 14.262
59 Joe Salave’a DT 2005 2008 3 1.880 0.500 2.380
60 Chris Samuels OT 2005 2012 7 27.750 8.750 10.000 46.500
61 Michael Sellers TE 2005 2008 3 1.755 0.150 1.905
62 Richard Smith WR 2006 2008 2 0.695 0.695 NFLE
63 Shawn Springs CB 2004 2010 6 17.750 13.350 31.100
64 Jashon Sykes LB 2006 2008 2 0.845 0.845
65 Sean Taylor S 2004 2011 7 4.860 11.675 1.370 17.905 7th year is voidable
66 Randy Thomas OG 2003 2010 7 18.570 9.060 27.630
67 James Thrash WR 2004 2008 4 3.625 0.500 0.106 4.231
68 Tyson Walter OC 2006 2007 1 0.585 0.585
69 LeShaun Ward WR 2006 2008 2 0.695 0.695
70 Marcus Washington LB 2004 2010 6 14.585 10.415 25.000
71 Manuel White TE 2005 2009 4 1.385 0.425 1.810
72 Aric Williams CB 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545 NFLE
73 Jonta Woodard OT 2006 2008 2 0.545 0.545
74 Renaldo Wynn DE 2002 2008 6 7.690 6.335 1.000 15.025

Un. Freaking. Believable.