Glenn Beck’s Goldline Scheme, Illustrated

10:04 am EST July 28th, 2010 | Conservative | 17 Comments

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17 Responses to “Glenn Beck’s Goldline Scheme, Illustrated”

  1. hnice says:
    July 28, 2010 at 10:35 am

    Facts, facts, facts. Again with the facts? If you love facts so much, Oliver, why don’t you just marry them?

    Look: Glenn’s not telling you to buy overpriced gold any more than he told that guy to go on a shooting spree at the Tides. I mean, when Derek Jeter goes on TV holding Gatorade, are you making the case that he’s trying to convince us to actually drink it?

    That, sir, is insane. You know nothing about advertising, or saying things, or why people do things. Everything is a random concurrence of events. Like, so Glenn’s sold his face to this scam — you think that’s because they want people to believe that he thinks it’s a good idea? No. It’s just a FACE. Just a HEAD. It has no purpose. Totally disconnected, in every way. Blaming Glenn for making people buy gold is like blaming flowers for making me want to go to the park. They have NOTHING TO DO WITH ONE ANOTHER.

    (Do I sound crazy yet? I can hardly tell anymore what’s funny and what’s unbelievable and what makes sense. Anyhoo, what I do know is this: I gotta buy some GOLD COINS!!!!)

  2. Enlightened Liberal says:
    July 28, 2010 at 10:43 am

    I second hnice. On the other hand, when Barack Obama fails to reverse Bush Justice Department decisions against blackity-black-black people, that is an endorsement for a race war against wholesome and pure white Americans.

  3. fafaroo says:
    July 28, 2010 at 10:51 am

    Most of the ads I hear on talk radio are related to getting out of debt/getting rich quick, losing weight fast/improving health through supplements or buying gold, with a smattering of local businesses thrown in. Do you think the advertisers know something about the average talk radio listener? Like perhaps that they’re all broke, gullible and paranoid? Me thinks many of the right wing hosts have cottened to this fact about their audiences, as well.

  4. fafaroo says:
    July 28, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Oh and hnice FTW.

  5. Ben says:
    July 28, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Beck knows how gullible his audience is, he doesnt have to care how obvious his adverts are, as long as he ties it into an apocalyptic non-white majority story. If you believe what Beck says, you’re gonna have a long stay on the island before ya move on.

  6. Oliver Willis says:
    July 28, 2010 at 10:53 am

    hnice: Gold has never gone down in value, EVER. Buy these!!!

  7. Ben says:
    July 28, 2010 at 11:01 am

    HEY OLIVER, sorry bout the caps just good to catch ya while I’m on. Where’s the best place to get ratings dats about Becks show?

  8. jr says:
    July 28, 2010 at 11:58 am

    “we need the freedom to be ripped off”-teabaggers

  9. bikelib says:
    July 28, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Fafaroo: I’m just surprised that I haven’t heard more ads for dick em-biggening pills targeted at the frightened little manly-men who make up the biggest audience demo for AM radio.

  10. I'm a Hick says:
    July 28, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    I think the technical term is ‘miracle male enhancement formula.’ One of the biggest advertisers on the local sports shows is the local DWI defense lawyer.

  11. cr says:
    July 28, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    great comments! i particularly like “dick embiggening pills targeted at the frightened litle manly-men”! have to come here more often.

  12. Frank DiSalle says:
    July 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    I was going to say “I always get a kick out of guys who say, ‘Buy gold for the next economic catastrophe,’ as if, after it hits, you’re going to go to the local deli, and say, ‘I’ll take a 2 liter Ginger Ale , and a bag of Fritos; here’s 2 Spanish dubloons’,” but when you start with the “AM Radio listeners have small penises,” I have to say, “And who are you to call someone gullible?”

  13. Repack Rider says:
    July 28, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Are there men stupid enough and insecure enough to buy penis enlarging pills? Or, as Frank points out and I (rarely) agree, gold isn’t going to be convenient specie if there is no civilization to accompany it.

    I guess there are a lot of ways to make money if you don’t have a conscience. Unfortunately, I do and Beck doesn’t.

  14. Jaim says:
    July 28, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    You should be peeing in jars and recycling that stuff too, just to be sure.

    Go Teabaggers!

  15. Johnny Pez says:
    July 28, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Conservatism: one big scam made up of lots of little scams. It’s like a fractal geometry of dishonesty.

  16. ComradeAnon says:
    July 29, 2010 at 9:03 am

    First time reader here. Well maybe a few more times that that. But, I like the comments. Nothing like the truth with a wicked sense of humor. I’ll be back.

  17. hnice says:
    July 29, 2010 at 11:32 am

    I just wanted to check back in this morning — i had the opportunity to stop by my local goldsmith last night, and am now wearing a three piece suit made entirely of gold. I can’t tell you what this has done for my peace of mind. It’s like, bring it on, apocalypse: i’m SWATHED in GOLD, which will also protect me from BULLETS and ZOMBIES.

    Wait, ‘malleable’ means ‘bulletproof’, right? I’d check my dictionary but I don’t have the strength to lift my arms in this suit.