Social Security Releases Top Baby Names Of 2009

9:58 am EST May 7th, 2010 | Humor | 15 Comments

From the Social Security folks:

Boys:
1. Jacob
2. Ethan
3. Michael
4. Alexander
5. William
6. Joshua
7. Daniel
8. Jayden
9. Noah
10. Anthony

Girls:
1. Isabella
2. Emma
3. Olivia
4. Sophia
5. Ava
6. Emily
7. Madison
8. Abigail
9. Chloe
10. Mia

Once again, Oliver fails to make the cut. That said, we are making significant gains:

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15 Responses to “Social Security Releases Top Baby Names Of 2009”

  1. durablend says:
    May 7, 2010 at 10:11 am

    “WUT, NO BARACK?!? EYE TAUGHT EVERYONE WOOD WANT TO NAME THEIR BRAT AFTER TEH MESSIAH!” -cons

  2. anotherbozo says:
    May 7, 2010 at 11:48 am

    shamelessly self-indulgent item. We feel your pain, however.
    solution: Olivia Willis! wear a wig!

  3. Quaker in a Basement says:
    May 7, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Jayden??

    Hell, that wasn’t even a name when I was growing up. If someone had said his name was Jayden, we woulda asked him to show us his spaceship.

  4. Burn says:
    May 7, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Took the words right outta my mouth.

    Kind of reminds me of that George Carlin skit about how people name their children these days.

    “And i’m getting really sick of guys named Todd.
    It’s a good fucking name OK.Hi whats your name?
    Todd.I’m Todd. And this is Blake, and Blaire and Blaine and Brent. Where all these goofy fucking boys names comin’ from. Taylor, Tyler, Jordan, Flynn. These are not real names. You wanna hear a real name? Eddie. Eddie is a real name, what happened to Eddie he was hear a minute ago. Jackie and Johnny and Tommy and Bill. Danny, Larry, Johnny, and Phil. What happened? Todd.
    And Cody, and Dillon, and Cameron, and Tucker.
    Hi Tucker, i’m Todd. Hi Todd, i’m Tucker. Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks. And fuck Tuckers friend Kyle. Thats another soft name for a boy. Kyle.
    Soft names make soft people. I’ll bet you ten times out of ten, Nicky, Vinnie, and Tony would beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle, and Tucker”

  5. rip says:
    May 7, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    When we namd our daughter Ava in 1996 it was somewhere north of 700 on the list, and we thought we were giving her an uncommon, thought not unusual name. So much for that, should have gone with Hildegard or something.

    I don’t think the list has changed too much in the last decade though, as that pretty much looks like the student roster for my other daughters 4th grade class.

  6. Marco says:
    May 7, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    If I meet another kid name Madison… ugh, it’s on. I will punch a baby. Yeah, I’ll do it!

  7. Dennis says:
    May 7, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    And so I guess you think “Burn” makes people think you are just one bad-ass mf’er.

  8. Dennis says:
    May 7, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    Ava, I like that name, rip.

  9. Randy Brown says:
    May 7, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Yet, I don’t see many Miranda’s, fewer Letitia’s (except the occasional Latina Leticia), and no Clarinda’s whatsoever. Where are all the nice old fashioned girls’ names?

    OTOH, the fewer Kathleen’s I see, the better. With ONE exception…

  10. Lazy Quaker says:
    May 7, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    Go OLIVERS!!!

    BTW, my uncle who is so old he’s actually deceased now, is (was) named Todd. Aren’t all of those names actually last names? There’s a lot of that in my family; in fact I think all of my uncles had last names for first names, as well as one of my grandfathers.

  11. Zayden says:
    May 7, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    Jayden pisses me off. I always picture some fat Wal-Mart shoppers in their $220,000 suburban house they can’t afford, thinking they’re cool for naming their boy Jayden. God, I hate that name. It’s everything that’s wrong with America. Well, that and that all the other boy’s names are from the Bible, so that’s kinda retarded, too. And I’ll probably work for some young punk named Jayden someday. Ugh.

  12. Jose Hipants says:
    May 7, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    My 6 year old nephew is named Oliver, and he’s a splendid fellow.

  13. isms says:
    May 7, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    You can take solace Burn; “Anthony”, which is number 10, is just a fancy version of Tony.

  14. isms says:
    May 7, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Hang in there Oliver. According to Steven Levitt, Oliver will be one of the most popular boy names in 2015!! As a bonus, so to will “Will”, which after all is short form for Willis.

  15. Burn says:
    May 7, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Maybe if I spelled it Byrne then?