20 Ways To Bring “The Wire” To Your Office
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(I just finished The Wire, a few years behind everyone else. That won’t stop me from making this silly list.)
1. Refer to your supervisors as “the bosses”. Always sneer when you do this.
2. Whistle “the farmer in the dell” as you walk between cubicles.
3. Show pride in your job via bad grammar
eg. “I’se real web developer.”
3a. Lament the lameness of your office in comparison to everyone else.
eg. “I wish I worked for a real accounts payable department”
4. Respond to all allegations with “Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeet”
5. Attribute office gossip to Mr. Fuzzy Dunlop
6. Declare the area around a disliked coworkers desk as “New Amsterdam”. Make sure the bosses don’t know about it.
7. When your supervisor approaches yell out “FIVE-O! FIVE-O!”
8. Explain that you’re getting the really nice steno pads from “The Greek”.
9. If it will get you a raise, make sure to listen in on the phone conversations of relevant people. Just assume you have probable cause.
10. Always refer to your office building as “the towers”.
eg. “The AC unit always be out in the towers.”
11. Fill a bag with cookies, candy, and other goodies. Call it “the stash”, and make sure to move it from one cubicle to another.
12. Drink during office hours. This will sharpen your game.
13. Work on whittling doll furniture during your downtime.
14. When assigned to a project, map it out on a blackboard. Designate your coworkers using grainy surveillance pictures.
15. Write up those projects on a white board. Red for incomplete projects, blacks for complete ones. Bitch a lot about your clearance rate.
16. Build dossiers on coworkers. When the time is right, either blackmail them with the dossier in order to get them to pass on a promotion, or show it to “the bosses” to help yourself up.
17. Take credit for other’s work. When pushed simply mysteriously say “indeed” and walk on.
18. Divide your team into lieutenants, runners, bosses depending on their physical/mental skills. A good team member knows his place but will give his life up for you. Be sure to launder your expense reports.
19. If you’re sexually attracted to a co-worker say “spot on” in a British accent.
20. When in doubt, just kill someone. That always seems to work.
29 Responses to “20 Ways To Bring “The Wire” To Your Office”
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2. Whistle “the farmer in the dell” as you walk between cubicles.
Did you notice how they did a several season long setup, with Omar doing his ‘in the dell’ whistle for all that time, then finally (finally!) having a chance to describe Mr. Wagstaff’s situation while he was tracking him … the Cheese stands alone. Indeed. Where do you see THAT kind of scriptwriters patience?
Alright, please help me on this one. I’ve tried getting into the Wire, and its not like I can’t tell that there’s depth there, it’s not like I can’t see that there’s quality, its that, and I’m only a few episodes in, I realize, but as it stands I don’t feel I have any real need to watch the next episode. I don’t feel I’ve wasted my time watching what I have so far, just I really don’t need to watch any further. Now, I’m not asking “is this show any good” or why it is, I’ve read a thousand posts, comments, articles, etc., on why it is.
What I need, viscerally, to know, is where could I just jump into, even deprived of the context, and start watching, and say “Damn, now I have to see more of this!” as motivation to go back to the start and watch the whole damn thing? I keep hearing people saying “Yeah it starts slow but by like episode 6 it takes off” and thats crazy because I have to put in 6 hours ‘work’ before I start getting to what I should, and still might not, be enjoying properly?
Lemme ask it like this then: At what point in the series did you say to yourself “Holy hell, I’m watching something amazing?”
The longer the prep time, the bigger the payoff. Watch for Lester. As soon as he gets his juices flowing, things start happening. Until then, tide yourself over with the chess speech from Episode #3 and the one-word scene from Episode #4.
I’m so envious of those who have not yet seen the Wire. The best TV marathon of my life.
In a bit of rare coincidence, I agree with every single word that Farris said.
That’s kind of how I feel about The Flaming Lips.
SaveFarris–
By “one-word scene” do you mean the one where McN and Bunk re-examine a murder scene? My next favorite was… well, better not spoil anything.
I had this problem as well. My coworkers were on me, on me, on me for about 8 months to watch. And I hemmed and hawed for some time. Then one day I sat down and said, lemme watch this mofo. By about the 4th episode I was like fuck, well, I have to watch all of this and watched season 1 over a weekend. Then the following week i watched season 2 after work.
As a huge fan of cop shows the reason why I liked the wire is that it had the intricacy and attention to detail of a procedural but really great characters on both sides of the law. At a certain point the interplay between characters like Stringer Bell and Avon Barksdale became as important as a viewer as the overall crime story.
Yeah, if the scene youre talking about is McNulty and Bunk at the crime scene I agree as well. And all I can say is:
“Fuck”
“Fuck”
“Fuck”
“Fuck?”
“Fuck.”
OW, that was “Hamsterdam,” not “New Amsterdam.” Otherwise, great piece.
The fun part of watching the show (and “Homicide”) was figuring out what areas of Baltimore were used…
After finishing the show I found myself saying “true dat” way too much. I too envy those who have not yet had the pleasure.
You really must watch from the very first episode; there is much that will make almost no sense if you don’t, but which is rich as can be if you do. The show by Season 5 is self-mocking the ‘Dickensian’ thing, but there’s some truth to it.
True, as noted, that the Lester Freamon character really launches this thing.
Not that they preach it, but about 1/2 way through season 1 you start to realize what a study of organizational behavior the whole thing represents. Because that’s the only way to understand how modern urban life works, really, and they nail it. The clarity is quite exhilarating.
Rex:
I might also note, you have yet to meet “Proposition Joe”. That character alone is worth the price of admission …
Everyone: favorite ‘minor’ characters?
Snoop. Snoop scares the shit out of me. The others all have reasons and motivations and whatnot but Snoop will shoot a man in B’more just to watch him die.
A.
Hey Oliver, you might want to take a look at the Wire blog some of us (including Athenae above) did during Season 5, Got that New Package. There’s a bit of tepid Generation Kill toward the end, but the Wire stuff was all much more readable. Even David Simon thought so. He also showed what a mensch he was after one of our number passed on unexpectedly.
http://newpackage.wordpress.com/
Brother Mouzone. All of Mouzone’s scenes with Omar, particularly that stare-down in the alley late in Season 3…
Mr. Willis, do yourself a favor. Run, don’t walk to Best Buy or wherever, and get the rest of the series and watch it ASAP. It’s the best!
Brother Mouzone was my least favorite character in all of the Wire. Why? Unlike every other character he seemed unrealistic and a sort of writer’s invention. A guy who dresses like a nation of islam member and reads The New Republic? As I saw that I said COMEON. Up to that point the characters were very realistic, and this guy screamed total writer’s invention. Not a fan.
I have. That’s why I wrote this. I finished. -30-
Yeah, Snoop is scary as hell.
I disagree. Snoop was a soldier and all about business (which makes here plenty scary in the cold, calculating sense). Recall here reaction after Chris went nuts taking out Michael’s step-dad.
Ever seen the sketch of guy alleged to have aced Biggie Smalls?
But a fair point.
Still working off my Battlestar Galactica high.
How about the Deacon? The back story on his history with Ed Burns alone is worth the price of admission.
How is it we’re all forgetting Bubbles?
For all the incredible characters working in the institutions on both sides of the law, Bubs is the beating heart of this show.
Can you imagine a weird comedy assassin show starring Brother Mouzone?
He’d look at the camera, and say something dry, almost smiling… Light comedy music plays in the meantime…
The idea has been flitting around for a while now, and this thread reminded me of this strange, strange concept.
[...] Oliver Willis with 20 Ways To Bring “The Wire” To Your Office. My favorites are: 2. Whistle “the farmer in the dell” as you walk between cubicles. 3. Show [...]
The best way to start by watching The Wire, be it cheating or not, is to watch with subtitles on or with HBO’s website open to the episode and cast guide. It will greatly enhance your enjoyment because you’ll understand what the hell is going on. The best thing about The Wire is that they don’t conveniently or negligently forget story lines and they don’t leave holes unplugged. If you don’t understand something it’s not because the writers failed to deliver; you just need to check the HBO site or..rewatch.
I am on my third viewing of all 5 seasons. You have NO IDEA how much better this is now on the 3rd viewing. I can drink in every detail.
what about cutting some ties.