GOP Cyborg Caucus Demands Galactic Counsel “Slow Down” Health Care Reform

4:22 pm EST July 19th, 2009 | News | 10 Comments

JULY, 2652 A.D.

(Low Earth Orbit) — Senator Mitch McConnell MarK II, in an impassioned speech on board The Congressional Moon urged the Galactic Counsel to “slow down” on its planned health care reform bill. “We do not understand why the galactic counsel is being so hasty with this legislation. Our unified hive-brain is completely boggled as to why the counsel is so dead set on these radical changes without the time to review them.”

In response, the newly appointed Speakerbot of the Federation, Nancy “Boomstick” Pelosi issued a holo-release with a subliminal soundtrack indicating that the recent crushing victory of the Democratic party in the 17 Federated Galaxies Plus That One Asteroid gave her a “clear mandate for universal care in anticipation that we may one day return to Earth and need medical care due to all the post-nuclear radiation”.

Historians said the ongoing debate over universal care was reminiscient of the back and forth over six centuries ago, but that the scars of the Bipartisanship War Of ’22 were still fresh enough to circumvent what is commonly known as “douchebag Broderism”.

In a presentation via MurdochNet (slogan: Powered by the brains of Younglings) on the Presidential Planet, Federation president Barry Hussein Muslim expressed his support for the Speaker and vowed to “crush the enemies” of health care reform and hear the “lamentation of their women”. The president continued, “Can I put these guys in a Sarlac pit if they refuse single-payer? Yes, we can.”

Topic: Health Care, Humor, Twitter

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10 Responses to “GOP Cyborg Caucus Demands Galactic Counsel “Slow Down” Health Care Reform”

Frank DiSalle says:

July 19, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Perhaps the problem is that “Health Care Reform” is more money, without more health care, as if the government might ever be capable of anything else. And don’t even bother chiming in about the UK or Canada, or , gimme a break, Cuba [their idea of Health care is "If you deviate from the ideology in a public way, we 'un-alive'* you"]

* un-alive = to kill

Are any of you familiar with Clinics that are mostly Medicare and Medicaid patients?

Have you ever been treated by a Medicaid HMO?

Have you ever made three trips by public transportation, while ill, to straighten out an administrative situation which could have been fixed by a two minute phone call ( remember what I said the other day about eliminating phone trees saving tons of money? Example #1 ) ?
Then, you go to the doctor, but you need a specialist : Road trip !

Take your referral to the specialist. Forgot your card or your referral? Road Trip!

Finally, you get a prescription for three things : You need that many, and the Doctor wants to know “Why you waited so long to see him” You are too ill to strangle him, so you laugh.

You go to the Pharmacy, and guess what? That computer change hasn’t hit yet.

You guessed it!

Road Trip!!

Back to Social Services

“How long has it been? Four weeks? That application’s no good ”

Yeah, Socialized Medicine !

Does a body good!
Oliver Willis says:

July 19, 2009 at 5:07 pm

Yes, going back to the house for a card is far worse than dying because you couldn’t afford a procedure or going bankrupt because you had one done.
Frank DiSalle says:

July 19, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Forget the “you couldn’t afford a procedure” canard. If you can stay alive without it, you won’t be getting it under any new health plan. If you can’t live without it, you can get it now.
The Bankruptcy issue can be solved by legislative changes, not by remodeling the American health care system
Robert says:

July 19, 2009 at 7:24 pm

A good friend of mine (who died some while ago) spent the last four years of his life paying off an emergency room visit. He was bitten by a spider, went into anaphylactic shock, etc. The hospital stay saved his life, but he had no insurance (worked full time, minimum wage, no benefits) and had too much money to qualify for Medicare (i.e., was not destitute).

He died owing several thousand dollars. But hey! At least he wasn’t living under socialism!
Enlightened Liberal says:

July 19, 2009 at 8:39 pm

What part of Frank’s little story doesn’t happen now with insurance companies?
Jesse Ewiak says:

July 19, 2009 at 8:45 pm

Yeah. I truly believe the cons on this site have never dealt with an HMO. I mean, yes, a government-run health care system would have flaws. But, nobody would get a bonus based on how many claims they decline.
Indeed says:

July 19, 2009 at 9:06 pm

Just a reminder:

http://www.democracynow.org/2009/7/16/former_insurance_exec_wendell_porter
Frank DiSalle says:

July 19, 2009 at 9:58 pm

Hey, Ewiak! You think I read that story in a left-wing blog? It happened to me!
How about this one : It’s the 26th of the month , I am waiting for a prescription . I have $5 in my pocket. I now must choose co-pay for asthma medicine $4, or food.

I choose food.

Cost to my state’s taxpayers: $480 for an ambulance

3 emergency asthma treatments, and free breakfast

Socialized Medicine

It does a body good …
Jesse Ewiak says:

July 20, 2009 at 1:56 am

I agree, Medicaid and Medicare is severely underfunded thanks to dranconian cuts from pretty much every President since Nixon. The best way to fix it would be a single-payer system so all Americans are helping each other. Obama’s plan is a good first step.
Frank DiSalle says:

July 20, 2009 at 8:48 am

“Draconian cuts”, eh? Perhaps the problem is (was?) that there were never any cuts, let alone “draconian cuts” – the liberal term for refusing to pass huge increases in spending.