Jessica Alba For America Exploratory Committee

2:43 am EST March 14th, 2008 | News | 8 Comments

Jessica AlbaIf you’re as tired of this Clinton/Obama/McCain mess as I am, let me make the case for Jessica Alba as our next commander in chief.

1. She’s hot. We’ve never tried “sexy” in a president. Yes, JFK was dashing, but knowing what an attractive woman usually does to a man’s concentration, this would give a President Alba a considerable leg up in negotiations. Imagine what a little black dress could do for mid-east peace negotiations?

2. She has gravitas. Jessica Alba played Susan Storm, one of the Fantastic Four. TWICE. Is there anyone else running for president who has had the cojones to run around in spandex for 3 hours on a giant screeen? The answer is no.

3. She’s a mom-to-be. She’s smoking (see 1) and yet is with child. She’s clearly got family values (though not married to the baby daddy).

4. Tough on terror. Played Max, a super-powered hero on the show Dark Angel. On that show she cracked ribs and beat up baddies, while the writers found one inexplicable reason after another to show her in the skimpiest outfits possible (this is called the Jennifer Garner syndrome). If Jessica can take on late-90s cyber criminals, certainly Hamas or Al Qaeda can be dealt with.

5. See 1.

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8 Responses to “Jessica Alba For America Exploratory Committee”

  1. Howard Wolfson says:
    March 14, 2008 at 3:52 am

    Angelina Jolie is a much better choice:

    1. She has an Oscar. She is successful and has talent.
    2. She’s a multi-millionaire, all made on her own talent, not MADE BY RIDING HER HUSBAND’S COATTAILS.
    3. She has a positive brand, internationally.
    4. She’s hot.
    5. She has kids and adopts kids. Family values.
    6. She is a member of the Council on Foreign Relations.
    7. She is a U.N. Goodwill ambassador.
    8. If you look at 6 & 7, and include the op-eds she has written and speeches delivered and tours of wartorn countries, she actually HAS MORE FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE THAN HILLARY CLINTON.

  2. August J. Pollak says:
    March 14, 2008 at 7:07 am

    I think the Fantastic Four movies are a huge negative for her. It shows a definite sign of lack of judgement, both in the decision to cast the one vote that mattered- agreeing to do it- not to mention ultimately dating and sleeping with one of the film’s production assistants. Years later, America still suffers from that decision.

  3. Quaker in a Basement says:
    March 14, 2008 at 10:13 am

    this would give a President Alba a considerable leg up in negotiations.

    Sorry, you lost me at “leg up.” What were you saying after that?

  4. Matthew G. Saroff says:
    March 14, 2008 at 12:16 pm

    She lacks the requisite maturity to be President.

    Jamie Lee Curtis.

  5. Duros62 says:
    March 14, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    Madam President, I’m sorry to wake you up, but the Israeli army is amassing on the Jordanian border and it looks like an attack is immine…wow…. You, uh, sleep in the nude… good to know.

    Um….yeah, what was I talking about?

  6. Kyle E. Moore says:
    March 14, 2008 at 6:08 pm

    hehehehehe…”leg up” hehehe…

  7. I'm a Hick says:
    March 17, 2008 at 10:03 am

    Moms to be should not be smoking. Alas, constitutionally, she’s still to young to run.

  8. antea says:
    April 9, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    jesica alba you are very beautiful.you are a beautiful girl