Jessica Simpson & The Destruction Of The Cowboys

8:54 pm EST January 17th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

So… perfect. If we get her on Al Qaeda’s trail they’re as done as T.O’s season.

image Speaking to reporters she had invited into her impenetrable subterranean Texas lair on Monday, Jessica Simpson gloated over the victory she recently achieved after nearly two years of using her personal charms, her unique brand of cunning, and every resource at her disposal to meticulously plot the downfall of the Cowboys’ 2007 season.

"Ever since I was a little girl growing up in football-obsessed Texas, it’s been a dream of mine to completely bring the evil, arrogant Cowboys organization and its boorish and cocky fans to their knees. But the suave and sophisticated players on that team are nigh-unapproachable for a nice country girl like me," Simpson declared from her Throne of Thorns, situated in the surveillance room of her headquarters. "And then I saw Tony. Instantly I knew that he was the weak link, the keystone, the only one for me to exploit."

(via pennywit)

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2 Responses to “Jessica Simpson & The Destruction Of The Cowboys”

  1. Gyuss Baaltar says:
    January 18, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    So what’s the Redskins excuse for not being further in the playoffs again?

  2. Oliver Willis says:
    January 18, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    Uh, we didn’t have a team that went 10-6 and was supposed to go all the way with their golden boy QB?