How I Imagine The White House Reacted To The California Fires

9:00 pm EST October 24th, 2007 | News | 8 Comments

Josh Bolten runs into the oval office, breathless.

bush in flight suit Bolten: Mr. President! We have a crisis!

Bush: Hold on. I gotta keep my colors inside the lines. If I don’t keep ‘em inside the lines, Laura holds back a cookie. And I gots to have my chocolate chip.

Bolten: It’s important sir.

Bush: Ok, dang. What is it Bolty? [muttering] I swear to God some days I just wanna give this job to Gore. That crazy s.o.b. actually likes working and stuff.

Bolten: Fires in Southern California, sir.

Bush: Southern? Is it them Mexicans again? Somebody busted through the fence, didn’t they?

Bolten: No sir. It’s white people sir.

Bush stands up.

Bush: White people? Like me?

Bolten: Many Republicans. Upper middle and rich white people.

Bush: Jesus Christ on a bike. Why are you flappin’ your gums like a dummy for? RICH WHITE PEOPLE ARE IN DANGER. FIRE UP AIR FORCE ONE IMMEDIATELY. GIVE THE GOVERNOR WHATEVER HE WANTS, AND WAKE UP CHENEY.

Rich white people. In danger? Not on my watch.

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8 Responses to “How I Imagine The White House Reacted To The California Fires”

  1. StarkyLuv says:
    October 24, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    It reminds me of the tsunami disaster 3 years ago. In an area with hundreds of millions of brown people, the media kept showing the white victims of the tragedy (mostly tourists).

    New Orleans, they focused almost exclusively on afro-americans and basically said they were too stupid to get out of the way and that it was good their homes were washed away because now the area can be gentrified.

    But with the wildfires, the government is all of a sudden in a tizzy when as you say “rich, white folk” are in trouble.

    It’s painful to watch something so obvious. In the United States of America, caucasian lives are worth more than non-caucasian lives. It’s just a simple truth.

  2. StarkyLuv says:
    October 24, 2007 at 9:08 pm

    It reminds me of the tsunami disaster 3 years ago. In an area with hundreds of millions of brown people, the media kept showing the white victims of the tragedy (mostly tourists).

    New Orleans, they focused almost exclusively on afro-americans and basically said they were too stupid to get out of the way and that it was good their homes were washed away because now the area can be gentrified.

    But with the wildfires, the government is all of a sudden in a tizzy when as you say “rich, white folk” are in trouble.

    It’s painful to watch something so obvious. In the United States of America, caucasian lives are worth more than non-caucasian lives. It’s just a simple truth.

  3. Enlightened Liberal says:
    October 24, 2007 at 9:36 pm

    Starky, what you say unfortunately makes a lot of sense. Haven’t seen the media or the talk shows talk about the wisdom of building homes in a fireprone area, or how we shouldn’t pay to rebuild. What I have heard is talk about how the situation is SOOOOO much better at Qualcomm than it was in the Superdome, ignoring the fact that the Superdome was surrounded in 12 feet of water with no plumbing or electricity. There is an underlying narrative here, probably subconscious, but a narrative nonetheless.

  4. Diamond LeGrande says:
    October 24, 2007 at 10:26 pm

    I await a female from this flock of white folk to go missing.

  5. fredfarkle says:
    October 24, 2007 at 11:03 pm

    Here is how I imagine it:

    Governator!

    Ya?

    Southern california is on fire!

    Get every firetruck, water plane and helicopter down there right now!

    What about the 50 firetrucks we have in the lot down there? Should we open the gates and use them too?

    (Governator fixes flunky with icy stare….)

    I’ll get them going too sir….

    San Diego: R Mayor, R governor

    New Orleans: D Mayor, D Governor…….’natch

  6. durablend says:
    October 24, 2007 at 11:20 pm

    Haven’t you heard? Faux Noose is claiming Al Qaeda is behind all of this, very likely the Iranian arm of the organization.

    You know what that means! (KA-BOOM!)

  7. jerry says:
    October 25, 2007 at 2:32 am

    Oliver, check out James Taranto (head exploding at your own risk) in a twofer of obviously brain damaged lies in the WSJ.

    First he goes he off and states the the NY Times has recanted after 26 years and is now stating ketchup IS a vegetable. This is pretty well taken apart at FARK.com I love FARK.

    Second he states that Mohammed El Baradei is a liar, because Baradei said that in 1981, after the Israelis bombed Saddam’s reactor, Saddam developed his nuke program covertly. And Taranto says that this shows that Baradei is liar, because Baradei was later heard to say there was no nuke program.

    For Taranto, 1982 IS 1996 or so, which is when, after Gulf War I, that Saddam started to eliminate his nuclear program.

    Taranto is apparently trying to claim that us libtards and Baradei say that Saddam never had a nuke program after the Israelis bombed the reactor.

    Jebus.

  8. duros62 says:
    October 25, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    pkb said:

    Oliver Willis hates white people!

    Speaking as a white dude, sometimes I hate ‘em too.

    Now go away.