Media Re-Elects Al Sharpton As Official Spokesman For Black America

8:39 am EST May 11th, 2007 | Uncategorized | 22 Comments

Alsharpton
Sharpton celebrates victory as the Official Voice Of The Black Man

NEW YORK, NY – With over 65% of precincts reporting, Al Sharpton has been re-elected as the spokesman for black Americans.

Every four years representatives from broadcast and cable news, newspapers, local television and a few conservative bloggers go to the ballot box and vote to see who will represent “the blacks”. Harry Throckmorton, editorial director for Fox News Channel said “A lot of people say we should look for more black voices in the media, that when a racial issue comes up we shouldn’t just always run to Al Sharpton. To those people I say: I couldn’t make my tee time if I did that.”

“I’m a loudmouth who just says any old thing that comes to my head”, Sharpton told the throng of microphones that follow him 24-7, “and that means the media loves me. Sure, coming to me all the time gives many Americans a warped perspective of what all blacks believe, but hey, what am I going to do – not talk? Better God strike me down dead.”

For his second place finish in the election, Rev. Jesse Jackson will serve as Vice Official Voice Of The Black Man.

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22 Responses to “Media Re-Elects Al Sharpton As Official Spokesman For Black America”

  1. Marty says:

    God bless you for that one Oliver. (Hilarious.)

    (In fairness to the media, Al and Jesse tend to volunteer themselves via press release, news conference, etc. and the media bookers do have to make those tee times- not just the Fox News ones either.)

  2. Ian says:

    Oliver, I know you will attack FNC every chance you get .. but, uh, .. the Rev. appears on MSNBC .. probably 15 more times than he has on FNC. I’d like to see Ollie put down MSNBC, home of Olby.

  3. Cyrus The Virus says:

    Well, if you don’t want this vile pig to get more credit than he deserves, why don’t you tell those uniters like St. Barack, Hillary, and John Edwards, or Al Gore and Bill Bradley before them, not to meet with him a week after they declare for President, or maybe not to attend his National Action Network (The Klan with a Tan) meetings.

    I know this one is filed under humor, but it’s not conservatives that prop this scumbag up. If he’s so irrelevant, why do they meet with him?

  4. Duros62 says:

    (The Klan with a Tan)
    Oh, that’s funny. No conservative racism here, no sir. Nope. Big tent.

    Honestly, I’m just glad it isn’t Jesse Jackson. I can’t understand a word that man says. Like Willie Wonka said, “MUMBLER!”

  5. Macswain says:

    O Dub,

    Face it. The David Broders know what’s better for you and black Americans than you do.

  6. fd10801 says:

    Oliver, you know as well as I do that if you had a nominee for Official Spokesman For Black America, and I’d love to know who it is, he wouldn’t be a whole lot different from either Reverend Al or Reverend Jackson.

  7. Nimrod Gently says:

    And who would you have? Alan Keyes? Michael Steele?

  8. Quaker in a Basement says:

    he wouldn’t be a whole lot different from either Reverend Al or Reverend Jackson

    Now, fd, I KNOW you’re not saying “they’re all alike.” But what ARE you saying?

  9. sdh says:

    Al and Jesse tend to volunteer themselves via press release, news conference, etc.

    Of course they do, because a large part of their perceived power derives from their media shticks.

    Good satire OW. But I’m afraid most people aren’t going to get the point.

  10. Oliver says:

    Please take a look at the top black elected officials in this country – ie. Obama, Jesse Jackson Jr., Jim Clyburn, etc. and reconsider your stupidity. I would tell you to look to the black elected officials in the federal gov’t who are Republican, but there aren’t any.

  11. sdh says:

    And who would you have? Alan Keyes? Michael Steele?

    As soon as I hit ‘post’ on my “But I’m afraid most people aren’t going to get the point.” comment, I saw this post.

    The point is: there is no spokesperson for black America… just as there is no spokesperson for white America. And to use Sharpton as the pseudo-official spokesperson for all african americans both gives Sharpton a legitimacy that isn’t deserved, it also ignores the complexity of a whole population of Americans.

  12. Nimrod Gently says:

    I was addressing Frank, who seems to think it matters.

  13. Dugger says:

    “I would tell you to look to the black elected officials in the federal gov’t who are Republican, but there aren’t any.”

    Caveated that to h*ll and back, didn’t we. They must be elected and in the Federal Government. I bet you also exclude the official Democratic Party elite power structure (you know, where they can freely choose who runs the show), right?

  14. fd10801 says:

    Oliver, nice deflection. Are you nominating Barack Obama as the “go to” guy for impressionistic responses from black America?

    As a matter of fact, I’d like to know a little more about people like Jesse Jackson, Jr. or Jim Clyburn, and whether or not they have more than a nodding acquaintance with being black.

    You got in your daily dose of “Frank is stupid”, now tell me how your nominees for black leadership differ in any significant way, ideologically, from Reverend Al, or Reverend Jackson.

    And, NG, excuse me if I make the wild assed assumption that it mattered to Oliver?

    Any wise cracks for him?

    As to powerful black Republicans:

    Black Secretaries of State chosen by Republicans: 2

    chosen by Democrats: 0

    Black National Security Advisers chosen by Republicans: 1

    Black National Security Advisers chosen by Democrats: None

    Most powerful women in the world Black Republican : once

    Most powerful women in the world Black Democrat: Never

    2nd Most powerful women in the world Black Republican : once

    2nd Most powerful women in the world Black Democrat: Never

    Most recent black Supreme Court Justice nominated by: Republican

    Most recent black Supreme Court Justice almost “Borked” by: Democrats

    Number of times a liberal acknowledged that Reverend Al or Reverend Jackson doesn’t “speak for blacks” : never

    Number of times a conservative
    acknowledged that Reverend Al or Reverend Jackson doesn’t “speak for blacks”: a jillion

    Black conservative / republican intellectuals acknowledged by Oliver to be reasonably intelligent: None

  15. Nimrod Gently says:

    Black Secretaries of State chosen by Republicans: 2

    Vaguely competent black Secretaries of state chosen by Republicans: 0.5 (I give Colon the benefit of the doubt on a handful of things)

    chosen by Democrats: 0

    Bearing in mind that there had been none whatsoever prior to Colon, and that the Democrats actually broke new ground in the office just by hiring a woman in 1996, that doesn’t really mean much.

    Black National Security Advisers chosen by Republicans: 1

    Black National Security Advisers chosen by Democrats: None

    Yeah, Condoflamingleeza. Jobs for the boys, nothing else. It’s a bollocks post anyway. It’s not a bainet position, it’s not confirmed by the senate and what the job itself even entails isn’t fixed. I suspect Condi’s version of the job was to agree with everything the President said. Incidentally there’s a white guy doing it now.

    Most powerful women in the world Black Republican : once

    Most powerful women in the world Black Democrat: Never

    See previous two answers.

    2nd Most powerful women in the world Black Republican : once

    2nd Most powerful women in the world Black Democrat: Never

    What, Nancy Pelosi?

    Most recent black Supreme Court Justice nominated by: Republican

    Most recent black Supreme Court Justice almost “Borked” by: Democrats

    Okay, Clarence Thomas is not something to brag about. Or even bring up.

    Number of times a liberal acknowledged that Reverend Al or Reverend Jackson doesn’t “speak for blacks” : never

    Number of times a conservative
    acknowledged that Reverend Al or Reverend Jackson doesn’t “speak for blacks”: a jillion

    Look, you can’t just pull random statistics out of your sphincter. Not that it usually stops you.

    Black conservative / republican intellectuals acknowledged by Oliver to be reasonably intelligent: None

    Yes, well, the contemporary Republican Party isn’t exactly friendly to black people, Colon and Condeleeza aside. See Republicans, Log Cabin.

    You realise that you actually cited precisely three individuals there. Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice and Clarence Thomas. That’s not a list to shout from the rooftops. That’s a list to hide away from the outside world. Maybe bring up Colin a couple of times if you can hide again as soon as anyone mentions that beaker…test tube thing.

  16. Nimrod Gently says:

    I don’t know how I typed “It’s not a bainet position” but I meant cabinet.

  17. fd10801 says:

    Well done, NG, I have been thoroughly fisked…

    Will I ever recover?

    Yeah.

    Heh

  18. Hedley says:

    Still waiting for Sharpton to lead the charge to get Opie and Anthony fired. I can’t imagine why he isn’t.

  19. Douglas Watts says:

    I voted for W.E.B. Dubois. Twice.

  20. Nimrod Gently says:

    I expect that’s meant to make me feel like I wasted my time, but actually the fact that all you think of to do in reply is sneer just proves I didn’t. Suck it down, Frank.

  21. Jim says:

    Is This True????

    Bet you $20 you did not hear this on the national news.

    The animals pictured below; car-jacked, then raped Christopher Newsom, cut off his penis, then set him on fire and fatally shot him several times while they forced his girlfriend, Channon Christian, to watch. An even more cruel fate awaited her!

    Channon Christian, was beaten and gang-raped in many ways for four days by all of them, while they took turns urinating on her. Then they cut off her breast and put chemicals in her mouth …. and then murdered her.

    Dozens of New Charges in Double Murder Case Announced
    Posted: 5:05 PM Feb 1, 2007 . Last Updated: 11:40 AM Feb 8, 2007 .
    Reporter: Whitney Daniel, WVLT Staff

    Knoxville (WVLT) – The District Attorney General of Knox
    County announced the list of charges facing now five suspects in the double murder of Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom.

    The District Attorney General Randy Nichols is not saying whether or not he will seek the death penalty, but he does say the State will seek conviction for all charges filed in a 24-page indictment from the Knox County Grand Jury.

    Lemaricus Davidson, 25, faces a total of 46 charges.
    Davidson was indicted on 16 counts of Felony Murder growing out of rape, robbery kidnapping and theft of Channon Christian and Chris Newsom, 2 counts premeditated murder of Christian and Newsom, 2 counts especially aggravated robberies from Christian and Newsom, 4 counts especially
    aggravated kidnapping of Christian and Newsom, 20 counts aggravated rape of Christian and Newsom, and 2 counts of theft from Christian and Newsom.

    Letalvis Cobbins, 24, faces a total of 46 charges. Cobbins was indicted on 16 counts of Felony Murder growing out of rape,
    robbery kidnapping and theft of Channon Christian and Chris Newsom, 2 counts premeditated murder of Christian and Newsom, 2 counts especially aggravated robberies from Christian and Newsom, 4 counts especially aggravated k! idnappi ng of Christian and Newsom, 20 counts aggravated
    rape of Christian and Newsom, and 2 counts of theft from Christian and Newsom.

    George Thomas, 24, faces a total of 46 charges. Thomas
    was indicted on 16 counts of Felony Murder growing out of rape, robbery kidnapping and theft of Channon Christian and Chris Newsom, 2 counts premeditated murder of Christian and Newsom, 2 counts especially aggravated robberies from Christian and Newsom, 4 counts especially aggravated kidnapping of Christian and Newsom, 20 counts aggravated
    rape of Christian and Newsom, and 2 counts of theft from Christian and Newsom.

    Just last night, police in Lebanon , Kentucky , arrested
    18-year-old Vanessa Coleman. She faces 40 Tennessee state charges. Coleman was indicted on 12 counts Felony Murder growing out of rape, robbery kidnapping and theft of Channon Christian and Chris Newsom, 1 count Premeditated Murder of Christian only, 1 count Especially Aggravated Robbery of Newsom only, 4 counts especially aggravated
    kidnapping of Christia n and Newsom, 20 counts of aggravated rape of Christian and Newsom and 2 Counts of theft from Christian and Newsom.

    Eric Boyd, 24, also arrested in connection with the fatal carjacking, only faces federal charges as an accessory after the fact. He was not indicted by Knox county grand jury.

    Felony Murder carries a possibility of death, life without the possibility of parole and life with parole. Especially Aggravated Robbery is a Class A felony that carries a possibility of 15
    to 60 years in prison. Aggravated Rape is a Class A felony that carries a possibility of 15 to 60 years of prison.

    At a news conference Thursday, Nichols commended the
    cooperative efforts between several departments and credits that cooperation for the fast pace this case is moving through the court system.

    Nichols says he hopes to move the case to trial on thefirst day it’s set.

    The four are expected to make their first court appearance within ten to fifteen days.

    This is certainly a case garnering a lot of public interest, Nichols recognizes that and says he expects all kinds of requests filed in this case, including a change of venue in order to receive a fair trial. But he says he does hope 12 Knox County jurors will be able to determine the guilt or innocence of these suspects.

    Where be the Revs Al and Jesse? Are they providing counsel and help to the families of the victims?

    Of course not – the victims were white

    Why hasn’t this received National coverage by the news media like the Duke “rape” case?

    Oh, that’s right – the victims were white

    Why hasn’t the NAACP, ACLU, New York Times etc., called for an investigation?

    Must be cause the victims were white

    Why hasn’t the FBI been called in to investigate this as a hate crime?
    Oh, t hat’s right – the victims were white”

    victims

    perps

    So, if a white news radio jock uses the phrase “Nappy headed”, it gets 2 weeks of constant news coverage.

    If two white people are tortured, raped, and murdered by a group of black people, it barely gets a blip in the news.

    Pass this around, and maybe, just maybe, it will land in the hands of someone in the media or politics, that has the guts to stand up for the white people!!!