Q: Oliver, Do You Always Look Like You’re High?
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A: I guess fricking so.
That’s a paraphrase, more or less, of the question I’ve received in email the most often since I’ve switched the design over. Now, there’s two elements to this that have amused me: 1) People think I wear ties. Because the old picture was of me with a tie, they assume this. What they don’t know is I only wear ties for weddings. The picture was from my best friend’s wedding, and the only other time recently that I’ve worn a tie was a couple weeks ago to my cousin’s wedding. If you see me with a tie there’s a good chance that someone’s getting married within a 100 yard radius. 2) I’ve never actually used any drugs so I don’t really know what people who are high look like. Yeah, I’ve seen it on TV but I don’t believe everything I see on the magic box. 3) I have really small eyes. On a big guy like me, there’s apparently a law that says I should have had bigger eyes but someone screwed up at the factory.
So, I’ll find a more professional *snicker* photo someday soon, but until then, think of a Jimi Hendrix song and gaze at the big stoned black guy (my friend says I look more “nonplussed” than stoned and I prefer to believe that bit of spin…):
17 Responses to “Q: Oliver, Do You Always Look Like You’re High?”
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The views on this site are mine and mine alone, and do not reflect the views of my employer, Media Matters for America
© 2000-2011 Oliver Willis
I’ve seen this before with a co-worker of mine: I think you blink when there’s a flash. If you’re trying for a good picture, try keeping your eyes closed until the moment your photographer hits the shutter. It’ll be bright, blinding and annoying, but it’ll beat the flinching look.
I vote for the second picture down in the right hand column…
It’s like I don’t care about nothin’ man
Roll another blunt, Yeah cuz…
I was gonna blog ol’ Newt, until I got high
I was gonna put on a J. Press suit, But then I got high
My blog is still messed up And I know why, (why man) ‘cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
I was channelin’ Stan Lee, before I got high
I coulda’ linked to Spiderman 3, but I got high
I’m watching it this summer and I know why, (why man) ‘cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
I was gonna go to work, but then I got high
I just got a new promotion, but I got high
Now I’m blogging dopes, and I know why, (why man) ‘cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
I made a template change, before I got high
I was gonna make it look less strange, but then I got high (No you weren’t)
The blog got rearranged, and I know why, (why man) ‘cuz I got high,
Because I got high
Because I got high
I wasn’t gonna take Redstate’s shit but I was high, (I’m serious man)
I was gonna blast Mean Jean Schmidt, but I was high
Now I’m a snorkel-holic, and I know why, (why man) ‘cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high
I was gonna make love to you, but then I got high, I’m serious
I was gonna marry Jessica, too, but then I got high
Now I’m staring at her glossies and I know why, (turn this shit off) ‘cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high
I’m gonna stop singing this song, because I’m high
I’m singing this whole thing wrong, because I’m high
And if I don’t get one trackback I know why, (why man) ‘cuz I’m high,
because I’m high, because I’m high.
(Are you really high man?) (he really is high man!) Get jiggy with it!
O bring it back! (Say what? Say what? Oh, because I’m high
Because I’m high, because I’m high.)
Well my name is Oliver and I’m from Maryland,
All the crab cakes I am eating, not what I’d planned,
I don’t belive in George Bush, that’s what I say. (O my goodness.)
So all of you Malkins, please give me more head
Mother fucker, Oliver Coulter-f&$#r m-a-n!
A-e-i-o-u and soemtimes W
We ain’t going to sell any of these mother fucking back issues of American Spectator ‘cuz
Let’s go back to Overlord Kos’s and beeyotchslap Matt Drudge, cuz fuck it!
Fuck the Celtics and the Knicks, bitch!
Smiling over not smiling. Shaved over not shaved.
On the other hand, an underwater picture of you with a scuba regulator might be interesting.
And if you think you have the stoned look, you could try for an Ellen Feiss parody shot?
But I do like bottom right….
In what appears to be a first, I agree with Frank. You’re representing your Redskins and the expression on your face is about perfect.
Caucasioman gets the gold star for comment of the week.
Use the picture with the snorkel!
Actually, a large (pun intended) part of the problem with the logo picture is the lighting. You have a light colored background, a light colored sky, and you’re wearing a light colored shirt. The darkest part of the background is the green whatever it is. Your face is simply darker than everything else in the picture, and that makes it more difficult to see.
The second picture down on the right in the collage you gave us shows a lot better image, because the background isn’t overwhelming your portrait.
If you want to include your picture on your site, I’d really suggest a professional portrait.
Just admit it dude, you’re stoned.
Ollie, you crack me up. Reminds me of something that happened the other day: was driving out to the hinterlands to take my kids to visit their ailing granny. Wife says, “while you’re out there, check a few stores to see if they have Wii.” I thought she said “weed,” to which we both made the eyes-half-closed look.
Are you sure that isn’t just a Jamaican thing? Or that one has to be stoned to root for the Skins…
A professional portrait for a frigging blog? You’re outta you’re mind. Although maybe I’ll go get one of those cheesy Sears ones, or scan in the Sears portrait my mom had done of me when I was 9.
Our esteemed host wrote:
Well, Mr Willis, I figured you made hundreds, if not thousands, from your site advertisements, along with your fantastically generous salary from Media Misinformation for America, and could easily afford it!
Bottom left…
Where’s the helmet?
…someone at the factory screwed up not only with your eyes but with your brain too….hahahaa…
How about holding your eyes as open as you can make them. I squint my eyes when I smile really hard. I have perfected an open eyed smile. You might want to run on down to the Wal-mart photo studio. Youe eyes really are tiny.
Eryka wrote:
That’s why he’s a liberal; he’s not far-seeing enough to be a conservative!
You should just use a picture of Daniel Baldwin or Eric Roberts.