Al-Cohol: America’s #1 Terrorist

9:23 pm EST February 5th, 2007 | News | 5 Comments

John_belushiClearly, our focus on Al-Qaeda was misinformed. The enemy is not Al-Qaeda, but Al-Cohol.

S.F. Mayor Seeks Alcohol Counseling

Mayor Gavin Newsom said Monday that he plans to seek counseling for alcohol use, following the disclosure that he had an affair with the wife of a veteran aide.

Gavin Newsom is just the latest victim of the ever-powerful Alcohol sleeper cells infesting our nation on the shelves of supermarkets, convenience stores, and liquor stores (or “packy” stores in New England) from coast-to-coast. As we stand here right now, thousands of enemy alcohol agents are infecting Americans with their demon powers.

* Mel Gibson had rum turn him into a raving anti-semite!
* Lindsay Lohan was attacked by alcohol and it disrupted her film “work”
* Al-cohol agents are at the top of the suspect list for Isaiah Washington’s latest bout of homophobia
* Miss USA turned into a skanky slut just after liquor touched her pouty lips
* Al-Cohol agents forced Mark Foley into a life of sin and lust

WAKE UP AMERICA. AL-COHOL MUST BE STOPPED.

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5 Responses to “Al-Cohol: America’s #1 Terrorist”

  1. riffle says:
    February 5, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    Don’t forget two political ones recently.

    Mark “Instant Messenger” Foley
    CNN story
    A “completely devastated” Foley was undergoing treatment for alcoholism and mental illness, his lawyer said.

    Bob Ney
    CBS Story
    “Ney had recently entered an in-patient rehabilitation center for treatment of alcoholism. ”

    More are slipping my mind at the moment, but these are two of the biggest recent examples.

  2. James McMurtry says:
    February 5, 2007 at 10:32 pm

    I hadn’t intended to bend the rules,

    but whiskey don’t make liars, it just makes fools.

    So I didn’t mean to say it,

    but I meant what I said.

  3. Quaker in a Basement says:
    February 5, 2007 at 10:43 pm

    I thought the days when “But I was DRUNK” was a good excuse were far behind us.

  4. Duros62 says:
    February 6, 2007 at 1:11 pm

    Oh no, Patrick is fair game too!

    Though I fail to see the connection between alcohol abuse and banging your campaign manager’s wife…

  5. justinthyme says:
    February 21, 2007 at 7:49 pm

    Yeah… what’s wrong with gettin’ a little snack? Clinton did and he was… uhh… okay?