Statement From Oliver Willis To The Rumors And News Reports That Oliver Willis Is Somehow Involved Romantically With Jessica Alba, That Is, The Rumors That Jessica Alba is Deeply In Love With Oliver Willis Of Takoma Park, MD

5:21 pm EST November 22nd, 2006 | Uncategorized | 15 Comments

Albawillissighting“I’m not sure where the rumor came from, but it is now being reported on more than a few blogs that I am romantically linked to actress Jessica Alba. One blog went so far as to say that he had contacted Miss Alba’s people in order to further probe the rampant rumors that she and I are are “together” as they say. Another questions a supposed eyewitness whose truthfulness I refuse to doubt saying that he had seen Miss Alba in the company of me, Oliver Willis. Using the standards applied by the modern media, I have no other alternative but to assume that these stories are true. If some guy with a website says that Jessica Alba and Oliver Willis are the new hot couple in America, who am I to argue with that? So, to those who keep pushing this rumor and innuendo, I say… continue. I pledge to link prominently to any and all blogs and outlets who report or opine on the rumors out there connecting Jessica Alba to Oliver Willis. It’s to the best of our knowledge at least as true as whatever else blogs and the media are reporting, and in the age of truthiness — it is true that the rumor exists that Jessica Alba and I (Oliver Willis) are together. Romantically.”

– Oliver Willis (who, according to rumors, is dating Jessica Alba)

Topic: ,

Related Posts

«
»

15 Responses to “Statement From Oliver Willis To The Rumors And News Reports That Oliver Willis Is Somehow Involved Romantically With Jessica Alba, That Is, The Rumors That Jessica Alba is Deeply In Love With Oliver Willis Of Takoma Park, MD”

  1. michael says:
    November 22, 2006 at 6:14 pm

    If this works, I call dibs on Scarlett Johanson.

  2. ant says:
    November 22, 2006 at 6:41 pm

    Oh damn that good :)

    Salma Hayek has reported been seen in the same country as yours truly.

    Wedding bells, here I come!

  3. Marty says:
    November 22, 2006 at 6:54 pm

    And Halle keeps trying to get me to leave my wife, but I just keep saying, “WOMAN? Step Off!”

  4. Wilbur says:
    November 22, 2006 at 9:12 pm

    So far, UN inspectors have found no evidence that I am dating Heidi Klum, but absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

  5. Sirkowski says:
    November 22, 2006 at 9:13 pm

    Well then, time to bomb Iran!

  6. Robbie says:
    November 22, 2006 at 9:21 pm

    Calling Liz Hurley!

  7. Oliver Willis says:
    November 22, 2006 at 11:16 pm

    The rumor is sexy hollywood women love bloggers. The rumors won’t stop, so I must keep repeating them.

  8. Quaker in a Basement says:
    November 23, 2006 at 2:56 am

    Crap. You guys claimed all the good ones. That must mean it’s my turn with Britney.

  9. Peter says:
    November 23, 2006 at 10:40 am

    You had me going until I recognized the Dan Snyder F. C . head gear. The nuclear free zone of Takoma Park permits rooting for the other Maryland team, coincidently the favorite of Scarlett, Salem, Jessica, Heidi, Liz and Britney.

  10. doug g says:
    November 23, 2006 at 10:45 am

    Well, that was clear as mud. Does Jessica have such a non-denial?

  11. Mike says:
    November 24, 2006 at 5:35 pm

    You are way too good for her, dawg; I can see why she lusts for you. Try not to break her heart by being aloof and unavailable so that she turns to chicks because of her wounded ego.

  12. Terrier says:
    November 26, 2006 at 12:06 pm

    Is the “sporting event” the Cowboys winning the Super Bowl?

  13. Jamison says:
    November 26, 2006 at 4:32 pm

    Well I figured that she would be on the moving on after Cash Warren “dropped the ball” last month in the ocean.

  14. Redleg says:
    November 27, 2006 at 1:14 pm

    God, she is hot.

  15. dhughes says:
    July 20, 2007 at 11:40 pm

    I haven’t heard Jessica say no, so it must be true.

    We could have all went out to lunch but Eva Longoria ditched me for that new dude. It was so sudden…I’ll be OK.