How much longer until Nouri Al-Maliki wakes up and realizes that he’s no longer president of Iraq?
Monthly Archive for November, 2006
An article in ESPN Magazine about the strife at Redskins Park made waves locally, and it’s a pretty unusual situation for the Redskins to be in. Good and bad while the Skins are in a pretty visible market, even when they’ve been great they’re not one of the teams the media feasts on. No such luck for the Giants. The Giants have the advantage and disadvantage of working in the center of the media universe and no matter what they do it will be examined to within an inch of its life.
Rupert James Murdoch, the [son of the] billionaire media mogul who owns Fox TV, Fox News, 20th Century Fox, NY Post, London Sun, FX, Myspace, Sky Networks in addition to many more media entities accuses the BBC of megalomania.
It doesn’t really matter that the Iraq Study Group recommends that we get out of Iraq. The buck stops at Bush’s desk whether he likes it or not and he won’t leave. He’s got too much pride and hubris wrapped up in Iraq and the idea that Americans continue to die because of his policy doesn’t matter to him at all. The only way we get out of Iraq is with a Democratic president committed to ending the conflict once and for all and get us back in the business of killing terrorists.
MR. WILLIS: I want to thank everyone for being here. I’ve got a quick statement and then I’ll take questions.
As you may have heard, the rumor that Jessica Alba and I, Oliver Willis are an item, has been running rampant over multiple Internets. Our best intelligence indicates that the tubes are filled with high level chatter about the alleged affair between myself and Jessica. At this time I can neither confirm or deny these rumors, yet continue to encourage any and all guys with websites to continue reporting this story in the most certain of terms. Yes, one person claimed to see Ms. Alba and I “canoodling” when in fact as far as I can say we were “hobnobbing” with the occasional “lollygag” by myself and Jessica, according to a source that is me. 
The rumor has legs.
I’d like to announce my upcoming book on this alleged affair entitled: If I Did Her: Oliver Willis on the Relationship He May Or May Not Be Having With Jessica Alba. The book details what would happen if, perchance, I were to have had an affair with Jessica Alba. It’s a work of non-fiction fiction due next spring from Reganbooks along with a tie-in game for the Nintendo Wii. We do things with the wireless controllers nobody’s ever seen before.
Ok, questions. Stretch?
Q: Oliver, are you dating Jessica Alba?
MR. WILLIS: Schmaby.
Q: Yes or no?
MR. WILLIS. That’s a complicated question David. It could maybe very well violate national security to give you an answer.
Q: National security?
MR. WILLIS: Imagine if you will a love that burns as strong as a nuclear missile. One could quantify that as a weapon of mass destruction. Now, to reveal my love for Jessica Alba and hers for me could give away the location of WMDs. I know you in the press would love that, but I love America too much.
Q: What? That makes no sense.
MR. WILLIS: Yes it maybe does or doesn’t. Carl?
Q: Questions swirl that you’ve made this whole thing up to advance the secular progressive agenda being pushed by liberal Democrats.
MR. WILLIS: I resent the innuendo that I made this up. You don’t know that. There are knowns, there are known knowns, and unknown knowns. Jessica Alba is smoking hot. That’s a known known. Why are you even asking me this? Helen.
Q: Can you tell us why you got into this possible affair in the first place?
MR. WILLIS: The quick answer would be that I did it all for the nookie. The long answer I haven’t thought of yet. Ok, now in the tradition of Tony Snow I’m going to answer the rest of your questions off the record. I will step one inch to the right in order to complete the transformation.
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SENIOR OLIVERWILLIS.COM OFFICIAL: Yes, so, Jessica and I, er… Oliver are getting married. She has a baby bump, make sure you write that in big letters.
Q: But you just denied…
SENIOR OLIVERWILLIS.COM OFFICIAL: I didn’t deny anything. I just got here. I’m a senior official, and not Oliver Willis. Unless I do takebacks. And currently, takebacks are not in effect.
Q: So, how did the two of you meet?
SENIOR OLIVERWILLIS.COM OFFICIAL: It was fate. She was out doing grocery shopping, I … Oliver … was following her RFID chip I … he … implanted on my portable GPS monitor. We “bumped” into each other and just a few post-hypnotic suggestions later she was putty in my … his … arms. Last question.
Q: Isn’t this all ridiculous? You’re pushing this rumor and making stuff up on the fly.
SENIOR OLIVERWILLIS.COM OFFICIAL: 9-11 changed everything. Some people think we ought to just let terrorists kill us all. I think I ought to date Jessica Alba and have gloriously bronze-skinned babies instead. But that’s just me, and I happen to love America. Maybe you guys in the press think it’s okay to shove old ladies down steps.
I. Think. That’s. Wrong.
God bless America.
If another country was killing people in America and possibly exposing citizens to radiation, and had been making a decisive turn towards authoritarianism in the last couple of years I think it would be worth speaking out about, don’t you?
Mitt Romney looks to be entertaining. He faked his abortion position. He did a horrible job running the Republican Governor’s Association. And now he’s hired as his economic advisors one guy who supports an increased gas tax and another who thinks outsourcing is a good thing. Somebody go ask Mike Dewine how those kinds of economic ideas sell nowadays.
Lohse, a social work master’s student at Southern Connecticut State University, says he has proven what many progressives have probably suspected for years: a direct link between mental illness and support for President Bush.
Lohse says his study is no joke. The thesis draws on a survey of 69 psychiatric outpatients in three Connecticut locations during the 2004 presidential election. Lohse’s study, backed by SCSU Psychology professor Jaak Rakfeldt and statistician Misty Ginacola, found a correlation between the severity of a person’s psychosis and their preferences for president: The more psychotic the voter, the more likely they were to vote for Bush.
(via)
A Supreme Court case involving global warming is coming up and the U.S. government is on the side of polluters and partisan hitmen Ted Olson and Ken Starr.
Raising the bar for wingnuttery as he so often does, Newt Gingrich urges that we should curtail the first amendment to “fight terrorism”. AKA, give terror exactly what it wants. Moron.
Tom Tancredo and his virulently anti-Hispanic minions are making a strong bid to completely take over the GOP. With this kind of honesty, they’re on their way:
Miami is “as bad as any ghetto in any Third World country,” says Carlos Espinosa, spokesman for Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-CO), who stands by his earlier comments comparing Miami to a “Third World Country.”
That’s right Republicans, give in to the hate, slam the brown-skinned hordes in one of America’s major metropolitan regions.
Sadly, Bill Fristwon’t be running for President. Too bad, the moron would have been entertaining.
Frist was of course famous for making a medical diagnosis of Terri Schiavo using video tape.
The election
Straw poll results
My weiner… dog
Why Maxim sucks now
My birthday next week
Stuff the media freaks out about but normal people don’t care about
Republicans learning the wrong lesson of 2006: Yay!
Democratic senator-elect Jim Webb is rising to the occasion already.
At a private reception held at the White House with newly elected lawmakers shortly after the election, Bush asked Webb how his son, a Marine lance corporal serving in Iraq, was doing.
Webb responded that he really wanted to see his son brought back home, said a person who heard about the exchange from Webb.
“I didn’t ask you that, I asked how he’s doing,” Bush retorted, according to the source.
Webb confessed that he was so angered by this that he was tempted to slug the commander-in-chief, reported the source, but of course didn’t. It’s safe to say, however, that Bush and Webb won’t be taking any overseas trips together anytime soon.
It’s always funny how prickly and put-off Bush acts when somebody dares to pierce his idiotic little bubble his mommy and daddy created for him where nobody says anything bad about him and he’s the bestest president ever.
To paraphrase someone:
Michelle Malkin, we must begin to understand, has no fucking idea what she’s talking about at any given moment.
Bob Geiger on the most recent infraction against sanity:
And here we have so many conservative bloggers, after days of castigating the Associated Press for running what the wingnuts claimed was a fictitious story about six Sunnis being burned alive in sectarian violence in Iraq on Friday, having to once again face what a bunch of putzes they really are.
The AP is reporting tonight on eyewitnesses to the immolations, that occurred when Sunni worshippers were leaving a Mosque on Friday and have also substantiated the identity of Iraqi police Capt. Jamil Hussein, who the AP cited as the primary source for its story that the Sunnis were killed while the Iraqi military stood by and did nothing.
This is not an isolated incident folks, this happens all the time. During the run-up to this year’s elections I had to ask if I was crazy or what for not seeing the same reality the conservatives swore up and down that they were seeing. They claimed that the polls were rigged, that the media was engaged in a conspiracy with the Democrats, and that the Republicans would hold the House and Senate. They said this when someone could have dropped in from Mars, looked at the numbers and told Dennis Hastert to clean out his Speaker’s desk and wipe up the slime trail behind him. But like they did with Iraq, Katrina, Terri Schiavo, and any of five million issues over the last ten years the right was wrong.
No, not just “wrong”. Amazingly, freakishly, mind-numblingly wrong.
And what penalty do they suffer for this? Does the press ostracize them or alienate them? No, they put people on the air who actively hate all Muslims as some kind of expert on Islam. They ask women with the intellectual strength and honesty of a moth (I don’t mean to insult moths, actually) to comment on war and immigration and the most important issues of the day!
They are wrong in everything they do. They will be wrong until the cows come home, and even then they will see goats where there are only cows.
So I bit the bullet and ignored the PS3/Wii hype (and smashed tv sets) and went ahead and bought the XBox 360.
In addition to the obligatory purchase of Madden 2007, I got the Superman game. Let me just say this: You can fly above Metropolis and go so fast that you cause a sonic boom. This is worth the cost of the entire game system to a Superman fanatic like me.
The always idiotic Dennis Prager gets his panties in a twist because an elected official who is a Muslim won’t bow down to the haters.
What is up with the Congressional Black Caucus? Apparently more so than any other of the Democratic coalition, the CBC favors the old and in power over the good. They supported Alcee Hasting’s nomination when everyone else said it was dead in the water (it is), and made noise about Rep. Pelosi stripping crooked William Jefferson of his committee assignments. Now, the CBC is among the biggest donors to Jefferson’s re-election race to the tune of $5,000. Shouldn’t the CBC, if it were true to its purpose, be supporting his challenger Karen Carter (like the Louisiana Dems do)?
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