Another Thank You To The GOP

11:11 pm EST November 28th, 2005 | Politics | 8 Comments

You’ve made it so much easier for Democrats to talk about the Republican culture of corruption… when there’s so much actual corruption! More of this, please.

Nora: Mr. President, many key figures in the Republican Party are under federal investigation. Are you going to hold men like Karl Rove responsible for his actions if he’s found guilty?

President George W. Bush: Well, as you know, uh, Karl is currently under investigation, and it’s the policy of this administration not to comment on an ongoing investigation.

Nora: Yeah? What about Tom Delay?

President George W. Bush: Also under investigation.

Nora: Bill Frist?

President George W. Bush: Investigation.

Nora: Scooter Libby?

President George W. Bush: Investigato!

Nora: Jack Abramoff?

President George W. Bush: Oh, I see where you’re going with this, Nora, and I thank you for your question because this is something I want to talk about: 9/11. September 11th was a wake-up call. Katrina was also a wake-up call. And then Rita came along, and it also woke me up. [ chuckles ] I don’t like wake-up calls. I’m a sleeper-Inner.

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8 Responses to “Another Thank You To The GOP”

  1. buma says:
    November 29, 2005 at 12:11 am

    By the way, OW, it’s all your fault because you want them to fail.

  2. buma says:
    November 29, 2005 at 12:11 am

    There is no longer any substantial difference between real life and satire.

  3. goatchowder says:
    November 29, 2005 at 1:11 am

    That’s beautiful.

    Now watch this drive.

  4. randy says:
    November 29, 2005 at 11:11 am

    Culture of corruption?

    Kinda like this -

    - The only president ever impeached on grounds of personal malfeasance
    - Most number of convictions and guilty pleas by friends and associates*
    - Most number of cabinet officials to come under criminal investigation
    - Most number of witnesses to flee country or refuse to testify
    - Most number of witnesses to die suddenly
    - First president sued for sexual harassment.
    - First president accused of rape.
    - First first lady to come under criminal investigation
    - Largest criminal plea agreement in an illegal campaign contribution case
    - First president to establish a legal defense fund.
    - First president to be held in contempt of court
    - Greatest amount of illegal campaign contributions
    - Greatest amount of illegal campaign contributions from abroad

    47 individuals and businesses associated with the Clinton machine were convicted of or pleaded guilty to crimes with 33 of these occurring during the Clinton administration itself. There were in addition 61 indictments or misdemeanor charges. 14 persons were imprisoned.

    - Number of Starr-Ray investigation convictions or guilty pleas (including one governor, one associate attorney general and two Clinton business partners): 14

    - Number of individuals and businesses associated with the Clinton machine who have been convicted of or pleaded guilty to crimes: 47
    - Number of these convictions during Clinton’s presidency: 33
    - Number of indictments/misdemeanor charges: 61
    - Number of congressional witnesses who have pleaded the Fifth Amendment, fled the country to avoid testifying, or (in the case of foreign witnesses) refused to be interviewed: 122

    - Guilty pleas and convictions obtained by Donald Smaltz in cases involving charges of bribery and fraud against former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy and associated individuals and businesses: 15
    - Acquitted or overturned cases (including Espy): 6
    - Fines and penalties assessed: $11.5 million
    - Amount Tyson Food paid in fines and court costs: $6 million

  5. Jadegold says:
    November 29, 2005 at 5:11 pm

    Randy repeats an often-emailed list of lies that’s been debunked.

  6. randy says:
    November 29, 2005 at 7:11 pm

    Really? Sorry, I didn’t realize. Would you be so kind as to point out which facts are incorrect. Thanks in advance.

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